*laugh wan kill me o* After I failed WAEC exams, I ran to Owerri to live with my granny. All my parents motivational speeches fell on deaf ears. I decided to quit western education. I was ashamed and angry. Body was just doing me like I won't make it in life again.😂😂😂
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One day, after I and granny returned from the farm, we were helping ourselves to a breakfast of roasted plantains, yams and oil sauce, when a big jeep pulled over. Lo and behold , it was my uncle from the abroad and one small aunty laidat, that stepped out.
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Uncle told us that he had come to introduce his second wife. Although my grandma was happy to see him, she was disturbed. He had just been married for five years.
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Uncle explained that his wife had only been able to give him a girl child, and he needs sons to carry on his name. He can't allow his name to die jus laidat. So he decided to get a wife, who will stay in Nigeria, give birth to his plenty sons, train them with African culture, and show them his lands as well. 😂😂😂
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When uncle left to greet other members of the family, Granny dragged the aunty to one corner. She reiterated to Aunty that since uncle has no intentions of taking her abroad, wasn't it better she turns down the marriage offer and finish her education? Maybe someone who will take her abroad will come through.
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"For where!" Aunty shouted.😂😂😂 Aunty begged my granny not to put sand in the garri that heaven has prepared for her. She said she was about to write waec, and she know say she no go even pass sef, because the thing hard. So it was better she holds one thing. She can't be an unmarried illiterate.😂😂😂
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My Grandma became even more shocked when Aunty advised her to get ready to carry plenty sons. According to her, they have 'boy genes' in their family.😂😂😂.
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Aunty also emphasized that she will be giving birth to the first son. In other words, her son will inherit all my uncles property. As for living in Nigeria and not going overseas? She wasn't bothered. So long as her and her sons live in uncle's big house, and uncle keeps sending them plenty money for up keep.😂😂😂
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I almost choked on my plantain when Granny advised me to inspire the young girl to go back and complete her education. Hian! Inspire the young girl bawo???😦 With which mouth? Me that couldn't even pass WAEC???
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Who I be????😏😏😏😏😂😂😂
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Abeg oo. I just finished planting corn at that big farm. I'm tired. Lemme eat this food in peace.
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After much talk, my uncle finally got married. Throughout their small honey moon periods, him and his new wife will always come visiting with matching attires. Aunty sef don join am to dey carry bottled water sef. No be small thing o! Too much juice, too much sauce!😂😂😂 Good bye to clay pot and pure water.
Eva water ti takeover. See levels!😂😂
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Then time came for uncle to travel abroad...He got to the airport and experienced some difficulties. Before he knew it, he was detained, till his visa expired. The officials asked if he knew someone abroad that could identify him... He reached out to his first wife. The woman denied him. His four year old daughter sef, deny am join. 😂😂😂
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They didn't even stop there. The woman and his daughter who's a citizen joined forces and claimed everything he had over there, reported him, and made sure he was banned from entering the country. Only God know the Kain allegation them put for him head.😂😂
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Women?! Fear women! When they want to run you street laidis, they do it in grand style. Imagine four year old pikin dey disown papa! Indeed, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.😂😂😂😂😂
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Finally, when it dawned on uncle that poverty has chased and caught up with him, and that he had to start from the scratch, he decided to settle in Nigeria, sell his Jeep, and build a block industry in the village.
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One day he visited us again with his angry wife, who was clutching an Eva water can as usual. He explained his business plans to my grandma who listened with rapt attention. When he was done talking, he asked granny for her advice.
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Granny was like" How can I advise you if you people are still carrying this bottled water upandan? Is it not better to get used to pure water and start saving money through that first?" 😂😂😂😂😂
"My wife is pregnant. And can't drink this village water." Uncle replied.😂
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Grandma wan craze. "Which wife? Has she not been drinking borehole before you met her? If it was bad , she should be dead by now. You people should climb down to pure water or better still, retain your empty Eva water cans, boil the borehole water well, and pour it inside them. I assure you. Nobody in the village will know about it, except me and you people."😂😂
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Laugh wan kill me that day! My granny is a clown! Aswear! See survival tactics wey she dey give person fa!😂😂😂Hay God!!!
******Major fast forward*******
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Some months later, I had overcome my depression and traveled back to my father's house when my mum received a call from the village. The way she shouted the Jesus ehn, fear catch me. I thought granny had passed on.
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When she dropped the call, she looked at me with regrets in her eyes and said; "Your uncle's wife gave birth to a girl." 😂😂😂
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" Ehen! Is geh not pikin? I can't believe you almost made me suffer cardiac arrest because of nothing sef. Mtcheew!"
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My mama vex for me that day ehn! According to her, uncle had sacrificed virtually all he had for this male child. Me and my Papa just dey laugh. And I'm sure my granny too go dey laugh. The woman funny sha! She kept calling me heartless.
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I was like "Mummy wait fez o. Why should I be angry? Wetin concern vulture and barber? How I go dey tear pant ontop wetin no concern me se?😂😂😂 Shey his wife has boy genes abi? Ehn.... They should try again na!"😂😂😂
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All this male-child maniacs! Instead of them to be hustling how to deposit the Y chromosome inside their wives, they will be looking for other women to perform magic with. Odiegwu!
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The annoying part is that, some of them will just blame their annoying actions on the fact that they want someone to carry the family name.
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Carry it to where kwanu? Onitsha or Lagos?😂😂😂 Oga if you dey find legacy, make one for yourself! How many male children does Jesus have? How many male children does Obama have? Have they not made history?
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Please miss me with that bullshit!
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Now my uncle is now in the village, living with an angry wife and three daughters. It cannot pain me walahi! 😂😂😂
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Aiye le oooooo Ibosi oooo
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- Penocrat Ayomide
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